A Personal Version of the 12 Week Year
At the end of last year, on a friend’s suggestion, I read The 12 Week Year. As someone who already tries to live rather seasonally and cyclically, the basic idea of making plans in 12 week chunks appealed to me.
I’m going to give you a super short version of what I took away from The 12 Week Year. I do want to point out… I’m not following it very well! I’ve very much made it my own and combined it with some other concepts.
Okay. The 12 Week Year is based mostly on business principles. You may have heard before that businesses make most of their profits in the 4th quarter of the year. The authors assert that part of the reason is that a year is just too darn long to stick with the same goals. If you come up with a goal in January that’s not going to be measured until December, you’re unlikely to really get started until October (or November or December…). And then you’ll book it to finish everything in just a few weeks!
With The 12 Week Year, you make your plans for just 12 weeks at a time. The idea is to set goals that you can meet within 12 weeks that will propel you toward bigger goals. But your focus is genuinely on those 12 weeks only. If you accomplish your 12 week goals, will you feel accomplished?
I’m a goal-setter and list-maker. I love to accomplish things and tick them off of a list. And I’m usually going 90 to nothing. Setting goals that can be accomplished within 12 weeks has helped me reign in my neurospicy brain.
Knowing that I have only 12 weeks instills a sense of urgency that is motivating.
Knowing that I can change my goals in 12 weeks provides an opportunity for novelty.
Planning goals that cross only 1-2 seasons means I can adjust them based on the time of year
Focusing on goals across 3 months means I can factor in my menstrual cycle more easily and plan around those downtimes (my ADHD symptoms get a lot worse just before and during my period).
With all these perks in mind, I decided to give it a go. Sort of.
Even though it’s intended to be for individuals and personal life, not just businesses, it did feel like a business book. As into goal setting and lists and self reflection as I am, the amount of effort it seemed like it would take to adhere to their closed system seemed immense. Well beyond the capabilities of my memory and attention span.
And I made it my own.
At the beginning of January, I saw down and wrote out things I’d like to accomplish within the next three months. They’re generally in a few areas: work, health, personal hobbies, and relationships. I unwittingly ended up following the categories suggested in The Happiness Trap, another book I’ve been reading and thoroughly enjoying. Some of them are higher priority, some of them are things that require consistent daily actions, some of them are one-time side quests. I didn’t have a number I was aiming for, I just wrote down what came naturally and then pruned to make it realistic for three months. They also roughly support my theme for the year.
Then, my husband and I had a planning day. We shared our goals so that we would know what the other person was aiming for and could be supportive. After that, we sat down with our calendars and mapped out what we could expect for the next few months. Within that, we decided to designate one weekend each month as a “blackout” weekend where we would purposefully do nothing. We decided to designate one weekend per quarter for a “big date.” And we decided to set aside 1-2 nights each week for what we call “hermit nights.”
On the weekly, I consult my list of goals. The ones that require consistent, daily actions automatically go onto the left side of my planner, repeating every day. Things from my list that don’t have to be daily but need to be focused on at some point during the week are written on the top right side of my planner and then are distributed to the best day. I also use the right side to track things throughout the week: for example, I jot down how long I was on my phone at the end of each day so I can keep an eye on my screen time goal.
In this way, six weeks in, I’m marching toward accomplishing the 9 (!?!) things I set up to do this quarter.
I’d love to hear how you plan your goals (motivations, intentions, whatever!) for the year and how you keep track!
Until next time, stay spicy.
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You can check out the products I offer in my TpT store. This will hopefully help you also!
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The Year It All Made Sense
“You may be astronomically brilliant, but you have no common sense.”
“You’re the dumbest smart person I know.”
Two different statements, from two different people in my family, and heard across a span of about 25 years. Said with a mixture of love and bafflement and bemusement.
These questions begged the ultimate question: how can you be as smart as you are and still….
not notice things
forget so many things
not be able to think of the right words
take so long to catch on to jokes and conversations
For most of my life, I had no idea. There were periods when I felt like an alien on the wrong planet. Times when I felt like a complete moron. Social interactions and settings were difficult for me, which I always misinterpreted primarily as social anxiety. I felt like I was constantly missing the joke, struggling to follow a conversation, especially if it was noisy, or not able to think of something to say quickly enough to participate. It was incredibly frustrating… and eventually did lead to social anxiety.
In contrast to all of this I was, in fact, pretty smart. I was an avid reader. I loved school (the actual school part… learning and writing papers and all of that fun stuff). I did well in school (4th in my graduating class) without making too much of an effort. Things didn’t change much when I got to college.
I was also always hyperorganized. I was the one color coding everything, putting sticky notes everywhere, and always buying a new planner. This was always part of my nerdiness.
Things started to change a bit when I got married. Marriage is completely different dynamic than parents or siblings or friends or even roommates. The level of vulnerability and accountability and cooperation that is required is immense. And that’s when I started thinking of my communication quirks as something more than social anxiety. I wasn’t socially anxious with my husband after all!
I was in school and then working as an SLP at that point in my life, and I began to think about my own processing skills. “I’m a slow processor,” I would tell my husband when I froze in the middle of a tense conversation, unable to respond to what was going on.
And then there were the memory and attention and impulsivity issues (not that I would have called them that at the time). In our marriage, it was things like…
Mixing up our towels and toothbrushes in the bathroom
Needing to label our towel hooks or color code our toothbrushes to finally remember
Turning off a ceiling fan minutes after being told it was being used to dry clothes
Not noticing that the refrigerator door was left open (over and over and over)
Forgetting something I was supposed to get at the store because it wasn’t added to the written list
Freezing up in grocery stores if we went in without a list
And then a cycle began which is so common for relationships where one is neurotypical and the other is neurodivergent—the misunderstanding cycle. I felt like I was trying really, really hard to get it together and was frustrated that he couldn’t see that. He felt like nothing he said mattered because it seemed like I wasn’t listening or didn’t care. I felt like I didn’t have time to think and organize my thoughts during a serious conversation so that I could respond and participate appropriately. He felt like I was deflecting to get out of hard conversations. And we looped and looped and looped with no apparent answer to our problem.
Something started to shift a year or so. I had started looking much more seriously at neurodivergent affirming therapy services, which included learning a lot more about neurodiversity and the specifics of ADHD and Autism. The more I read about ADHD, especially how it presents in girls, the more the pieces started to come together.
One day, after watching a funnily presented social media post about ADHD in women, I looked at my husband and said, “You know, I’m starting to wonder if I have ADHD.” We kicked the idea around for a while and the more I read, the more convinced I felt. In the spring, after a particularly rough patch where I was crying regularly and feeling completely unworthy as a wife, I decided to make an appointment.
I was relieved when the first thing I did was a computer-based assessment because I was so worried that I would answer questions in a way that I knew would give me the diagnosis, even if it wasn’t completely true. At that point, I was doubting myself and my memory and my perception so much I didn’t feel like I could answer a questionnaire about myself and get a true picture. Getting put in a room and told to attend to this random little task for 20 minutes… that was something I couldn’t fake my way through. Sitting in the next room with an NP 30 minutes later and hearing actual scores—scores on things that I didn’t even know they were measuring—was the biggest relief and validation.
It’s been six months since I was diagnosed. I’m not taking medicine (because I can’t swallow pills and I just don’t like being on medicine. Insurance also doesn’t cover it, and it’s hard to stomach paying that much for something I don’t like and am scared I won’t stick to.) I’m still trying to wrap my head around what my diagnosis means.
Is this an ADHD thing? What about this one? Can I make this one better, do I need to accommodate it, or do I just need to accept it?
There have been times when I feel like I’m starting to get the hang of it. Because I better understand how my brain functions, I’m able to work with it a bit more. I’m able to advocate for what might help me more frequently.
But there are still plenty of times that I feel utterly lost.
Yesterday, on the way to my family’s house for Christmas, I cried again. I texted my husband and apologized for him marrying an alien. He didn’t know I was an actual alien when he married me, after all. I just had some quirks. But as I cried, I reflected on how I…
didn’t trust my memory for situations.
didn’t trust my interpretation of conversations and body language.
felt taken aback when I realized something I had done or said resulted in an unintended result because I didn’t predict the outcome or generalize something we had talked about previously.
struggled to understand exactly what it was that had triggered the negative result or response.
It’s still a process, obviously. But at least I have a bit of something to anchor me. I’m not an alien, my brain just works differently. And that’s okay. Insanely hard but okay.
I’ve made the intentional choice to keep The Calm SLP ad-free. If you appreciate what I do here, there are a couple of ways to support me.
You can check out the products I offer in my TpT store. This will hopefully help you also!
You can also visit my Buy Me a Coffee link, though I’ll openly admit your donation will go to tea and books instead.
A Minimalist Wardrobe Challenge for 2025
ADHD is a weird thing. Routines that take decisions out of our hands are infinitely helpful but still, we crave novelty and change.
One of the areas of my life that feels this dichotomy most keenly is my wardrobe. I long for something streamlined that reduces decision fatigue but am also always looking for the next.best.thing. Every time I purchase something new for my wardrobe, I would get that little dopamine hit, utterly convinced that this thing will be the thing that pulled it all together.
Rinse. Repeat.
In 2023, my husband and I went to London. We always travel carry-on only, so my clothing choices were limited and despite the very variable weather and event requirements, I loved how little I had to choose from. During that trip, I had this idea: what if I had a very simple base—ideally, all black—and then had fun with layers and accessories? From summer of 2023 onward, I tried off and on to create that vibe to no avail.
In December, I heard a minimalist wardrobe content creator comment on the loveliness of dresses. “One and done,” is how they’re usually described. Love the idea… not so good at implementing it. I’ve tried, but I’m just not that into dresses.
But the jumpsuit? It felt possible if I could find the right one.
I tracked this one down over the break and received it shortly after the new year. Since I got it, I’ve done a few things as an experiment:
Tried it on with every layering piece in my closet
Tried it on with all of my shoes
Wore it doing yoga and going on walks
Wore it on the coldest day of the year, layered with fleece leggings, snow boots, and my parka
Washed and airdried it to see how it holds up
As I ticked things off my list of requirements, I started to feel like this could be the one. And so, I bought two more and initiated an experiment for the year.
For 2025, this jumpsuit, layered with cardigans, scarves, and jewelry, will be my daily outfit.
Okay, so what does that mean exactly?
I essentially divide my wardrobe into 4 categories:
Daily. What I wear when I’m not wearing something in the other 3 categories.
Exercise. What I wear when I’m doing yoga, going for walks, or working out.
Lounge. What I wear when I’m just lazing around my house.
Special occasion. A little more niche, but think things like weddings and funerals.
For 2025, the jumpsuit is the daily wearer.
So, what will I be “allowed” to buy?
Seasonal, secondhand layers that go with the jumpsuit (cardigans, blazers, jewelry, scarves, etc…).
Replacing things that wear out, get stained, etc…
Shoes. I have sensitive feet and having a good shoe wardrobe has been complicated for me. I’m hoping that having one go-to outfit will help with this, actually!
A few things that have been on my list for a while:
A nice, warm, winter coat. I have a super warm puffer parka thing, but it’s decidedly casual.
A new bathrobe and a pair of slippers. Mine are just on death’s door.
One or two nice dresses. We have a few weddings upcoming and my dress wardrobe could use some assistance.
I’m really hoping that having a one-and-done jumpsuit will satisfy the decision fatigue-reducing side of me and that the freedom to layer and accessorize (and thrift for new options!) will satisfy the novelty-seeking side of me.
In an attempt to hold myself accountable and measure my success, I’m planning on sharing updates every quarter with pictures and some of my thoughts and experiences. Expect an update toward the end of April/beginning of May!
Have you done something like this? Would you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I’ve made the intentional choice to keep The Calm SLP ad-free. If you appreciate what I do here, there are a couple of ways to support me.
You can check out the products I offer in my TpT store. This will hopefully help you also!
You can also visit my Buy Me a Coffee link, though I’ll openly admit your donation will go to tea and books instead.
What I Read in 2024
Literally today, as I sat down to write this post I saw these words on a Substack (paraphrased and will be linked when I re-find it):
How to be a successful reader: just read. That’s it.
A few years ago, I set a goal to read 100 books in a year. Another year, I set a goal to read within certain categories. This year, I set no goals whatsoever. I just read what I wanted when I wanted.
The List
Speak (Laurie Halse Anderson)
Wildwood (Colin Meloy)
5 Minute Therapy (Sarah Crosby)
A Wizard of Earthsea (Ursula K Le Guin)
The Tombs of Atuan (Ursula K Le Guin)
The Farthest Shore (Ursula K Le Guin)
Tehanu (Ursula K Le Guin)
Tales From Earthsea (Ursula K Le Guin)
The Other Wind (Ursula K Le Guin)
The Only One Left (Riley Sager)
The Man Who Died Twice (Richard Osman)
Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone (Benjamin Stevenson)
Tress of the Emerald Sea (Brandon Sanderson)
Ghost Walk (Rebecca Stott)
The Chalice of the Gods (Rick Riordan)
The Night Gardener (Jonathan Auxier)
A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking (Ursula Vernon)
A Flicker in the Dark (Stacy Willingham)
The Bullet Journal Method (Ryder Carroll)
Murtagh (Christopher Paolini)
The Hangman (Louise Penny)
A Fatal Grace (Louise Penny)
The Dictionary of Lost Words (Pip Williams)
Redwall (Brain Jacques)
The Historian (Elizabeth Kostova)
Hallowe’en Party (Agatha Christie)
Closed Casket (Agatha Christie)
Haunting at Hill House (Shirley Jackson)
The Mercies (Kiran Millwood Hargrave)
The Hollow (Agatha Christie)
Colour Out of Space (HP Lovecraft)
After the Flood (Agatha Christie)
The Mysterious Benedict Society (Trenton Lee Stewart)
Mysterious Benedict Society: The Perilous Journey (Trenton Lee Stewart)
Accidental Magic (Iris Beaglehole)
Experimental Magic (Iris Beaglehole)
Combustible Magic (Iris Beaglehole)
Celestial Magic (Iris Beaglehole)
Delectable Magic (Iris Beaglehole)
The Small and the Mighty (Sharan McMahon)
Thoughts On My Reads This Year
Speak is a must read and even more important in today’s climate.
Ursula K Le Guin was a genius. I enjoyed The Wizard of Earthea when I first read it and then I fell.in.love. with Ursula when I read her author’s note. The Tombs of Atuan and Tehanu are beautiful.
I just love the Cosmere and Tress was such a fun Sanderson work that made me want to jump back in.
I wasn’t expecting The Historian to be about vampires, but I was thrilled when it was.
I had to put down The Mercies while I had a bit of a crisis. It stretched me and haunted me.
I’ve never considered myself overly “patriotic,” but The Small and the Mighty had me crying throughout.
Goals for Next Year
Read more of the books I already own.
Read.
Buy what I want.
I’d love to hear what you read this past year, what your goals were, what your goals are, or just what your thoughts about your current reading life are in general!
I’ve made the intentional choice to keep The Calm SLP ad-free. If you appreciate what I do here, there are a couple of ways to support me.
You can check out the products I offer in my TpT store. This will hopefully help you also!
You can also visit my Buy Me a Coffee link, though I’ll openly admit your donation will go to tea and books instead.