Hi there, autumn.
I’m writing this little note on September 20, two days ahead of the official beginning of fall. But really, I’ve been easing into an autumnal space since September 1.
And boy, have I needed it.
This school year has not started off in the best way for me. Without going into too much detail, my nervous system imploded on September 1 (Hogwarts Day, of all the days). This was after about six weeks of increasingly less subtle signs that something was up (night time panics, migraines, fatigue, days I can’t even remember through the blur, shortness of breath, feeling overwhelmed and on edge). It all culminated in about three days of extreme nervous system dysregulation and two weeks of painfully slow recovery.
In fact, it was just yesterday that I looked at my husband over breakfast and told him that the day before had been the first day I had made it the entire day feeling like myself. The simplest, smallest things suddenly became huge wins.
I ate an entire omelette!
I had a stuffy nose and didn’t have a panic attack!
I slept through the night!
I enjoyed a cup of tea!
It’s been extremely difficult and it has impacted my work. In fact, I experienced a work first this month: I missed my first due date in ten years.
And you know what? I was so completely and utterly exhausted, I almost didn’t care at all. SLP Christin of years past cannot even begin to imagine the nonchalance with which I proceeded to rectify the situation. In the face of everything I had been through in the previous few days, being a few days behind on paperwork suddenly seemed like a drop in the ocean.
That’s perhaps the most valuable thing I learned over the last 20 days. There were days I believed I would never feel normal and happy again. And when I began waking up in the morning without a feeling of dread sitting on my chest and taking long, sweaty walks while a few fall leaves breezed by me and dancing in the kitchen while I chopped vegetables that I could actually make myself eat, I was reminded afresh of how important the little things are. And how unimportant some of the big things are.
Last night, I wrote in my journal: It’s little things but life is primarily small moments not big events.
I don’t say this to suggest that you should ignore your due dates and coast. I do say this to remind you that your life is so, so much more than work. You can give yourself grace and ask forgiveness and the world will continue to spin and students’s needs will continue to be met without you neglecting your own in the process.
If you need grace for yourself right now, please take it.
If your body is trying to tell you something, please pay attention.
If you’re feeling low, please know that the sun can shine again.
If someone near you is struggling, please take their hand.
It’s the little things that matter. The big things will be forgotten before you know it.
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